A mommy was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The cautious Mom took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.
“Why?” her daughter asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty and probably has germs”
Her daughter looked up at her Mom with total admiration and asked, “Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.”
The Mom quickly replied: “All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, and the little girl seemed deep in thought.
“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the daddy.”
“Exactly” the mommy replied back with a big smile on my face.
Actually, there is no test to become a Mom, but even brief rundown of some of the job descriptions of a Mom are overwhelming:
Dentist, Taxi driver, Doctor/Surgeon (stuffed animals), Lawyer, Policewoman, Coroner- (for pets), Coach, Teacher, Cook (apple jacks)/Chef (macaroni and cheese), Laundress, Dishwasher, Maid, Nurse – until we get our MD which happens after kid #2, Personal dresser, Personal shopper, Personal assistant, Secretary, Rocking chair, Singer, Artist, Diaper changer, Seamstress, Groomer, Cheerleader, Plumber, Counselor, Tissue (Mom’s clothes work better) Food taster, Tickler and Pudding lid licker.
Lydia and I were in Archie last year playing golf at Blackberry Trails. We were on the fourth hole when we get a frantic call from our fifth child, Lindsey. She was headed out to the garage to go shopping with our 8th grandchild, Laila. Laila was just seven months old. She had her in her seat that snaps into the pedestal in the car. She forgot to get something, so she sets the seat on the counter top, and goes up to her bedroom. She hears a horrid sounding “crash” and Laila lets out this blood-curdling scream. She runs downstairs to see Laila lying face down on their hard tile flor, with the baby-seat on top of her. She picks her up and sees a huge bruise and knot forming on her forehead.
When Lydia got the call, she was frantic as well. She immediately left and met Lindsey at the hospital.
Lindsey had one of those Mommy Mess-Up moments. She just didn’t think that a seven month old could wiggle and kick that much. Lindsey had her first experience with “mommy guilt’, but praise God, Laila was fine. It seems that God designed little babies with “mess-up’s” in mind. Their little head bones are still forming and can take an accidental fall very well.
An important aspect of being a Mom is learning how to deal with “Mommy Mess-up’s!
“As a mom, I almost always feel guilty. I think it’s just part of being a mom, never feeling like you have enough time for the kids, your husband, yourself! It’s a daily struggle to be the best wife, mother, daughter etc. I can be. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.”
Now that my daughter’s a little older (2-1/2), I’m no longer so germ phobic. I no longer feel like I need to clean off everything that falls on the ground before she sticks it back in her mouth. A few germs are good for kids!”
If a few germs are good for kid’s are “mess-ups” good for Moms?
Wiktionary defines “mess up” as:
- To make a mess of; to untidy, disorder, soil, or muss. “The afternoon breeze messed up my hair.”
- To cause a problem with; to introduce an error or mistake in; to make muddled or confused; spoil; ruin. “The change messed something up, and it’s not working anymore.”
- To botch, bungle; to perform poorly on. “Well, I messed up my solo, but otherwise it was a good concert.”
- To make a mistake; to do something incorrectly; to perform poorly. “He has a hard time getting started because he’s afraid he’ll mess up.”
- To cause (another person) to make unwanted mistakes in a given task, usually through distraction or obnoxious behavior. “Stop bumping me! You keep messing me up!”
- To damage; injure. “He messed up his elbow at the track meet.”
- To discombobulate, utterly confuse, or confound psychologically; to throw into a state of mental disarray. “That girl totally messed me up, man. I’m not sure who I am anymore.”
Mom’s learn that messes are a fact of Motherhood:
As one Mom writes:
The morning starts off with spilled milk and sticky crumbs on the kitchen floor, progresses to tomato juice dumped on the carpet, includes a stopped-up sink and a visit to the emergency room, and finishes up with the dog meeting a skunk. Throw in a call from your husband telling you he’s bringing company home for dinner — “just something casual, hon.”
Sometimes we really mess up.
Sometimes — for a lot of different reasons — we are reckless, or clueless, or just plain mean. We’re spoiling for a fight. We indulge our sarcastic streak.
Our families suffer for our thoughtlessness and mistakes. Sometimes, for a little while, we just don’t care.
We blame the kids or we blame our husband. We blame our mothers, the neighbors, or the girl at the check-out counter. We blame just about anyone or anything else that allows us not to take responsibility for our own actions and failures. We justify our own behaviour, even if only to ourselves.
After all, we’re the mom, right?
And that is why we feel so bad, later on, when we realize just how much we messed up.
Whether it was an honest mistake, or something we did purposefully, messing up has consequences to our families, our friends, and to ourselves.
Sometimes our carelessness causes harm or serious pain to someone we love. Or our mistakes disappoint them. Perhaps our bad attitude causes someone we love to try on a bad attitude for themselves.
What do we do then?
What do we do when we’ve run over the cat with the car because we were in a hurry?
How do we handle it when we forget our daughter’s kindergarten Thanksgiving feast?
How do we respond when we hear our sarcastic attitude coming out of our son’s mouth?
These are the moments we are glad our families cannot fire us. Because we supervise our own work, it is up to us to fix the mess. We must come up with our own remediation plan.
The truth is, Mom’s can try to fix the messes, come up with your own remediation plan, but you will continue to suffer from “Mommy Guilt”. God has a better way to deal with mess-up’s. God can even deal with Mom’s who are totally messed up!
1. Moms that Mess Up are the Rule
Romans 5:12 (ESV) Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned…
The very first Mom messed up. In fact, she and her husband are the reason all mom’s mess up.
Genesis 3:1-7 (NLT) 1 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’” “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
Everything is under the Curse of Sin
Because of Adam and Eve’s collosal mess-up, sin (mess-up’s) entered this world. This world and everything in it is under the curse of sin. Mom’s are going to mess up, and they will continue to feel guilt over their mess-ups.
On the website “True Mom Confessions”, Mom’s can post there mess-up’s anonymously. There are literally thousands of anonymous confessions. I have picked some of the “tamer” ones, posted this past week:
- every time my two year old eats she does it with her mouth open..i want to kick her across the room anytime she eats within my hearing range.ive told her to close her mouth time and time again and now she does it on purpose
- if i could have a do-over, id take it in a heartbeat. i hate my kids, my husband and life.
- My sister is not bathing her 2 yr old or brushing his teeth because he doesn’t like it. She gives him a sponge-down and lets him chew on his brush for a minute instead. Am I overreacting when I say I think that’s just plain old bad parenting, JUST because he doesn’t like it they don’t do it?? He still has cradle cap coz they never wash his hair!
- So mad at the boys yesterday. So mad. Damian (age 3) pooped his underwear (as if this isnt bad enough) and then proceeded to wipe it on the living room window. Then (yep, theres more!) Brayden (age 22 months) put his hands in it and smeared it on the window. And it wasn’t like they were being unsupervised either! Grant was in the same room with them and I was walking back and forth doing laundry, just didn’t realize what they were doing. Disgusting!
- I failed. I did not protect my little boy from a savage dog attack. I did not keep my promise of me always keeping my babies safe. I lied to them; because it is NOT safe here .. I hear sirens and dogs barking everywhere in the air. I failed to Keep my young beings’ safe and innocent. I hate that bull mastiff so much I wish I knew where he was..
- I’m the mom with the 17 year old pregnant daughter. I told her to get and job and be out of the house in a month tonight. How did I ever raise such a spoiled brat? And yes this pregnancy is a mistake and this baby is a mistake. I told her if she chooses adoption then I would pay for college like I promised. If she chooses to continue this charade of adulthood then she’s on her own. I know some people don’t agree but this isn’t how I raised my daughter. I’ve never understood parents that pay for their adult children. It’s not going to be me.
- WISH MOTHERS DAY WAS OVER ALREADY, MINE HAS PASSED AWAY, AND I CAN’T HAVE A BABY. UGH. THIS IS THE HARDEST WEEK OF THE YEAR FOR ME. SORRY MOMS!
Yes, Mom’s and women mess up, deal with guilt, deal with frustration, and yes, even hate their lives. This is the sad state of mankind. That is what Paul wrote in Romans 5:
Romans 5:12-14 (ESV) 12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given…and death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam…
Mom’s all all under the curse of sin, and so death reigns over our lives. That little baby you bring into this world, that brings you so much joy, will also bring you sadness, heartache, and there is nothing you can do about it, except to see things God’s way!
We Need Someone who can “Reverse the Curse”
So Mom’s, and Dad’s, we need something to reverse this curse, and turn life into a Blessing! We need something else to reign over death! Glory be to God, there is an answer to our messes, even when our lives are totally messed up! That answer is Jesus!
2. Moms that Mess Up can receive the Wonderful Grace of Jesus!
- Romans 5:15 (ESV) But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.
- Romans 5:20 (ESV) Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more…
“Trespass or offense” is paraptōma, “a falling alongside, a deviation from the right path.” A “Mess-up”
The glorious truth about “Mommy Mess-ups” is they show you your need for a Savior! Your mess-ups can open your heart to see your need for Jesus Christ! And when Jesus becomes your Savior and Lord, He gives a wonderful gift to you-the wonderful Grace of God.
In fact, wherever “mess-up’s ” abound, the grace of God abounds even more.
My dad moved us up to Prairie Village when I was five years old. He and mom had to leave their family in Ft Worth TX and move to a city where they knew no one. On top of that, Dad’s new job required him to travel 4 and 5 days a week. I was 5, my brother was 4 and we had a new baby brother. My brother John was one of those “impossible” kids. He was born rebellious. Nothing seemed to work. I can remember my mom chasing him all through the house, trying to spank him with a hair brush. One time she spanked him so hard it broke the hair brush, but John just kept laughing at her. It didn’t phase him. Mom’s favorit expression to yell was “Wait till your father get’s home Friday!” Mom and Dad had problems over this change in their life. I remember at about the age of 8 having to go live with a business associate of my dad’s. Mom had to go away. She was gone for a couple months. I learned when I was in my teens that Mom had had a nervous breakdown. She couldn’t cope with all the problems, with dad being gone, with her guilt, with her anger, with all of her “mess-up’s.” The mess-ups had gotten so bad that now her life was “messed-up.”
One thing that happened after Mom came home was we started going to a church down the street. Prairie Baptist Church. I started learning about a man named Jesus. Mom started to pray with us and even read the Bible with us. After Glen Conus and Myrl Scofield made about 15 visits with my Dad, he started going to church.
Things began to be different in our home. Mom was different. Dad was different. John was still John, but Mom could deal with him now. Dad still traveled, but managed to be home more often.
My Mom and Dad had found Jesus! God had showered them with Grace, the power to do what they ought to do! The power to do what they couldn’t do!
God’s Grace Enables Me by Janet Mullaly
I Know it’s the Spirit who is at work within me,
cause I can’t do these things by myself.
I have tried and I’ve tried
but it’s always the same on my own
Everything is a mess.
I give praise to my Lord
I give Praise to my King
I give glory and honor to God
For it is Him and not me
This I clearly do see
It’s His Grace
That enables me!
God’s grace is far more effective and powerful than any single mess-up or a bunch of mess-ups! God’s Grace can forgive and even transform the worst of “messed-up” Mom’s.
Now I’m not implying that only Mom’s mess up. No, men and women alike all mess up. What I am saying is that even the worst mess-up’s can be covered and forgiven by the grace of God!
In fact, Paul describes himself as the Chief of “Mess-up’s”: 1 Timothy 1:15 (KJV) This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.
- “For He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him” (2 Cor. 5:21).
- “But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: that in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast” (Ephes. 2:4-9).
- “And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1 Tim. 1:14-15).
- “…His grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved” (Ephes. 1:6).
Mom’s, when you place your life, your “mess-up’s in Jesus hands, you are surrounded by His grace. Your mess-ups may be simply because of the place you are in life-but in Christ, you are totally accepted in the beloved!
Donald Whitney in Simplify Your Spiritual Life. “Like Jean with three in diapers, you may be in a situation that curtails many of your spiritual activities. You may be looking at many months or even years of such limitations. Do what you can. God does not love us more when we do more, nor less when we do less. He accepts us, not because of what we do for Him, but because of what He’s done for us in Christ. The Bible says,”He made us accepted in the Beloved [that is, Jesus}” (Eph. 1:6). And nothing “shall be able to separate us form the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:39). Love God, and within the limitations He has sovereignly placed in your life at this time, do what you can.”
No matter your mess-up, no matter how bad it was, or is, in Jesus Christ, you are accepted and beloved by God! His grace gives you the power to overcome the worst of mess-ups.
Does that mean life will be rosy after coming to Jesus? No! Christian Mom’s mess-up just like non-Christian Mom’s.
What’s the difference then? The difference is that now you have the Grace of Jesus to deal with your mess-up’s. You have Grace to carry you through the stress. You have Grace to give you peace when that “mommy-guilt” rears it’s head.
Stress can lead to mess-up’s, mess-up’s can lead to guilt, guilt can lead to regret, regret can lead to depression and despair.
Look at how Jesus handled stress, and a moment when he could have committed an enormous “mess-up!”
For the truth is that if Jesus had to face stress, Mom’s are not exempt. You will continue to face stress, especially because you are a Mom. And when you think you have it licked because they are out of the home on their own, along come the grandkids. The cycle goes on.
So Mom’s need to see how Jesus dealt with stress, stress that could have led to a monumental mess-up. Even Jesus came to experience the grace of His Father.
It was just hours before He was to experience the crucifixion, before He was to experience becoming sin and being separated from His Father. It was the hour when He would experience an infinity of the wrath of God.
His state of psychological stress was so severe that it has since been written about in medical journals: Hematohidrosis is a condition in which the blood vessels around sweat glands dilate to the point of rupture, whereupon the blood flows into the sweat glands – coming out as droplets of blood mixed with sweat.
This is a physical phenomena not frequently experienced, even in the most stressful circumstances. Yet, Jesus found Himself sweating blood on the evening before His crucifixion.
During this period of time, Jesus demonstrated for every Christian how God equips a saint to think about, walk through, and succeed when under necessary STRESS:
S – Scared to death of the
T – Time just ahead, yet
R – Resolving to
E – Exude grace while being willing to
S – Sacrifice our very life, if need be, to
S – Succeed in God’s goals for us.
Jesus was literally “overwhelmed with sorrow”, “full of anguish” and “falling face down” in prayer. But, HE PRAYED!
P – Present your fears to God as honestly as you can
R – Relinquish yourself into His hands
A – Agree that He is Sovereign and ask for as much mercy as is possible given His goals
Y – Yield yourself fully to His choices for your future.
Mom’s, Jesus wants you to pray, to come to the THRONE OF GRACE!
- Hebrews 4:16 (ESV) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
- James 4:6-7 (ESV) But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God…
God Gives His Wonderful Grace to the Humble. It’s Ok to Mess-up! As the song so aptly announces:
Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Greater than all my sin;
How shall my tongue describe it,
Where shall its praise begin?
Taking away my burden,
Setting my spirit free;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.
Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,
Deeper than the mighty rolling sea;
Wonderful grace, all sufficient for me, for even me.
Broader than the scope of my transgressions,
Greater far than all my sin and shame,
O magnify the precious Name of Jesus.
Praise His Name!
Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Reaching to all the lost,
By it I have been pardoned,
Saved to the uttermost,
Chains have been torn asunder,
Giving me liberty;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.
The Water Bearer
A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his shoulders. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was perfect for the task for which it was made, and proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said. The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without your being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my house.
God is able to work His GRACE in the lives of every humble Mom who is aware of her mess-ups. In fact, God can keep you singing and rejoicing even in the midst of chaos. There will be flowers of beauty springing up all around your tears!
3. Moms that Mess Up can become Queens in Jesus!
The show opened with host Jack Bailey asking the audience—mostly women—”Would YOU like to be Queen for a day?” After this, the contestants were introduced and interviewed, one at a time, with commercials and fashion commentary interspersed between each contestant.
Using the classic “applause meter”, as did many game and hit-parade style shows of the time, Queen for a Day had its own special twist: each contestant had to talk publicly about the recent financial and emotional hard times she had been through.
Bailey began each interview gently, asking the contestant first about her life and family, and maintaining a positive and upbeat response no matter what she told him. For instance, when a woman said she had a crippled child, he would ask if her second child was “Okay.” On learning that the second child was not crippled, he might say, “Well, that’s good, you have one healthy child.”
The interview would climax with Bailey asking the contestant what she needed most and why she wanted to win the title of Queen for a Day. Often the request was for medical care or therapeutic equipment to help a chronically ill child, but sometimes it was as simple as the need for a hearing aid, a new washing machine, or a refrigerator. Many women broke down sobbing as they described their plights, and Bailey was always quick to comfort them and offer a clean white handkerchief to dry their eyes.
The more harsh the circumstances under which the contestant labored, the likelier the studio audience was to ring the applause meter’s highest level. The winner, to the musical accompaniment of Pomp and Circumstance, would be draped in a sable-trimmed red velvet robe, given a glittering jeweled crown to wear, placed on a velvet-upholstered throne, and handed a dozen long-stemmed roses to hold as she wept, often uncontrollably, while her list of prizes was announced.
The prizes, many of which were donated by sponsoring companies, began with the necessary help the woman had requested, but built from there. They might include a variety of extras, such as a vacation trip, a fully-paid night on the town with her husband or escort, silver-plated flatware, an array of kitchen appliances, and a selection of fashion clothing. The losing contestants were each given smaller prizes; no one went away from the show without a meaningful gift.
Bailey’s trademark sign-off was “This is Jack Bailey, wishing we could make every woman a queen, for every single day!”
But God’s Word says mommies can be QUEEN for all eternity! In fact, even amidst the chaos of motherhood, mommies reign with Jesus!
- Romans 5:17 (ESV) For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.
- Romans 5:21 (ESV) so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Mom’s, you don’t have to have a sob-story to be selected as Queen for a Day! The fact that you know you mess-up is good enough. Simply humble your heart before Jesus Christ, tell him you have messed up, that you need Him to be your Lord and Savior, and guess what, you become Queen for Life!
Jesus Christ reigns over death, over Satan, over sin! He reigns over the worst mess-up. When you place your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, you are born again as a daughter of God! You are a Queen, reigning with your new Husband, Jesus Christ!
You reign, not because you are a super Mom, or a saintly Mom, in fact mistakes are OK! Your righteousness and Queenliness is not based on you, it is because you are in your husband, Jesus Christ! You depend upon His righteousness!
Jesus never messes up! But you will always mess-up!
Remember the next time you feel you are messing up, you lose your temper, you are exhausted so you take it out on your husband- You are a Queen, reigning with Jesus Christ!
Before I was a Mom
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .
May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than by the cares of Motherhood!
Today, you are on Queen for a Day, but Jesus is saying:
“This is Jesus Christ, and I can make every woman my queen, for every day of their life!